A bigg biggg biggggggg SMILE!

Okay, as promised, I'm gonna blog about my birthday celebration yesterday. So lets start out with the celebration at my grandparent's house on the 25th of Jan. So, I woke up around 10-ish. Got ready and went to my grandparent's (Mom's side)'s house. We celebrated Jan and Feb's birthday. So, when we arrived, as usual, eat eat and EAT. Then, had a chit chat with the cousins. I was 99% complete. the other 1% was Ikram. But anyway, we had 3 birthday cakes. Mummy bought 1 and Uncle Zaidan bought 2. lol.

So, we sang the birthday song. Oh wait, let me list down the Jan and Feb babies.

Jan :
11 jan - Tokpa (73) & Najwa (16)
26th jan : Babyfara (17) & Ahmad Mizan (3/4 I can't remember)
30th jan : Zhareef (8 i think)
Uncle Zaidan's birthday is 7th Jan I think.

Feb:
5th Feb : Ashraf (13)
15th feb : Farabiha (19)

We celebrated the Feb birthday as well because Ashraf and Angah won't be here. So anyway, after the birthday song, PRESENT time! :) I got a CK perfume for Mak Choo and Family, A wallet from Mak lala and Family, I diamond necklace from my beloved grandparents as well as a T-shirt from them. :) I like I like. So went back home and slept for about 2 hours, got up and went to Sunway Pyramid with Family and Sara for a movie. We watched InkHeart. Not bad. :) Around 11.30pm, we went to Pappa Rich, Taipan. Had a very late dinner there. Exactly 12am, the manager gave me a slice cake for a birthday present. lol. :) My phone was really busy with messages and calls. THANKS TO ALL WHO WISHED ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

So, got home around 12.30am. Slept. The next morning, Ayom asked if I wanna follow her to Pyramid with her friend. So I was like "what the hell, pergi je la" I invited Teyra and asked her to invite the others. Teyra said she was at SS15 with her family, so she can la go to Pyramid. Then she said, Qairul and Tiqot didn't reply, Sue had to follow her sister, Tasha was away. So I was like okay, pergi je la dengan Teyra.

When we arrived, Teyra said she wanted to see her friend, Wanie. And that WANIE girl was in Redbox. So, Ayom, myself and Teyra went la to Redbox. Then she said WANIE asked to go to room 36. I was like, "ask her to come out je la" haha, then about 5 minutes la kot, waiting and waiting. Then Teyra said jom la pergi je bilik tu. So we went. The waiter opened the door, and there you go, my friends and a donut birthday cake lighted on the table. I went in and they said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" i was SPEECHLESS! I didn't expect anything. Seriously. I saw TASHA, SUE and QAIRUL. 3 people who lied to me like hell. but anyway, had tons of fun with all of my friends.

Got a birthday ehem from someone. ;) *wink wink* HAHA. After redbox, we went to Subway. Makan makan, went back home around 6.15pm. Got home, Ayom and Angah got me a present. :) hehe, A gladiators I've been wanting. THANK YOU! So, went to Holiday Villa for dinner. Had chinese food. NICE, yummy! After that, went to Mamak Bistro. Met my friends again. Dann dann, Tiqot, Fajran, Radhi and others. It was fun. I really needed to belanja them, but since some of them had already paid their food, so i didn't really get to belanja them. But, I paid for half of it la. :) hehe, THANK YOU BABY! :p Went back home with Tasha. Her mom gave a chocolate. :) Yummmmyyyy!

So anyway, my birthday celebration was superb. I love all of you so so much. Thanks to Qairul, Teyra, Tiqot, Tasha and Sue for planning. Thanks to the boys who came and made it fun, thanks to ALL. I love you guys so much! Seriously. Lets see if I can remember people who came, The girls includding Bhatrisyea. The boys, Aiman, Dann, Fajran, Putera, Haziq, Ahmad, Safwan, Kai Yuen, oh my god, I can't remember. But anyway, THANKS to ALLLLLLLL!

P/s : All the pictures are with Tiqot. Will upload them later on. :)

BIGGGGGG SMILE!

I had a great great day. BUT, my day hasn't end yet. Will blog about it, later tonight!
BYEEEEE!

It's just another day.

Yeap, it's just another day.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Hoping for a change.

Well, it has been 4 days since we last talk. To be honest, I was being all "OKAY" in front of my friends, but deep down inside my heart, I'm hurting, confused, and sad. I seriously don't know what to do. 4 days, 4 days I have not been in my right situation. I tried, but I failed. I surrender. I'll do whatever you want as long as you tell me your reason of doing this. Seriously, I can't think of other things beside this. Haih.

My birthday is in 6 days time. Hmm, I'm not really looking forward about it. Seriously, I'm not. But whatever la. For now, I'll try to calm myself down by making myself busy (even though I know it won't work) and I'll try not to think about him (even though I know it's not gonna happen)

I don't have much to update. That's all for now. BYE!

You left me clueless and hanging.

Selepas kau pergi
Tinggallah disini ku sendiri
Ku merasakan sesuatu
Yang tlah hilang di dalam hidupku

Dalam lubuk hatimu
Ku yakin kaupun sebenarnya tak
Inginkan lepas dariku
Tahukah kau kini ku terluka

Bantu aku membencimu
Ku terlalu mencintaimu
Dirimu begitu
Berarti untukku

Kau telah mencinta
Dan di cintai kekasihku
Ini tak adil bagiku
Hilanglah damba tinggallah hampa

Bantu aku membencimu
Ku terlalu mencintaimu
Dirimu begitu
Berarti untukku

Bantu aku membencimu
Ku terlalu mencintaimu
Dirimu begitu
Berarti untukku

Lupakanku dalam hidupmu
Yang pernah mencintaimu
Kau memang tercipta
Bukanlah Untukku

Selepas kau pergi
Tinggallah disini ku sendiri
Kumerasakan sesuatu
Yang tlah hilang di dalam hidupku

:(

My heart is torn into pieces.

If I can turn back time, I would. I would do anything to make it stop. To make this situation stop. I regretted not checking. I can't stop thinking about it. If I can turn back the time, I would. I would do anything to make us like hoe we were. I miss that. I miss you caring about me, calling me, texting me. I miss those moments. :(

Sudah lama ku memendam rasa.

I'm weak, I'm not strong.
I'm sorry, I know I'm at fault.
I care about you, honestly.
I love you.

I never say "I love you" if I don't mean it,
but I'm admitting it now, that I love you.
I'm so sorry. I feel really bad.
I want you, I need you.

Hey guys. This post is gonna be really short. I'm not in the right situation to do anything. I might just scream at you, throw things at you or whatsoever, but just remember, I don't mean it. I'm just not in the right mood. Not in the right situation. Nothing nor no one can make me feel OKAY again besides YOU. My weakest part in life is you, because I care about you. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of you disappearing. I'm just afraid. I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. :'(

Pictures part two.

Wedding.

My aunt got married on 25th December. Here are the pictures during their reception at Palace of the Golden Horses, Hotel. It was fun meeting up with the WHOLE family. :)

Dinner time. :)

The performers was sang by our relatives. :)

Uncle Boy and wife.Fara NabilaThe cute cousin of mine, Yasmin. Andi, Ikram, Myself and Khaleesa.Top - Mama and Ikram
Bottom - Mak Lala, Ashraf, Babyfara, Fara nabilaAshraf, Aishah, Khaleesa, Farabiha, RayThe family (some of it) lolUncle Zaidan, Mak choo, Mummy, Daddy, Tokma, Ikram, Babyfara, Khaleesa, Mak lala.Fara nabila and Nadia. :)The Happy Family
-some missing-

Pictures.

Tasha & Shasha's Farewell. :(

Just so you all know, Tasha moved to a boarding school in Ipoh whereas Shasha has moved to Ampang with her Dad. I miss you both. So much.

Tiqot and Tasha.

Shasha and her cousins.

Tasha and FajranTeyra, Tasha & Fajran.Tasha, Babyfara, Teyra.Qairul Ain and Shasha. *menangis. They are very very close to each other.The girls (includding Shasha's cousins. Sue was away to Langkawi).Tiqot and I.Again, the girls.

I want you .

Well, you may ignore the previous post. It was just a melt down. But whatever. Desh made me realize something today. And I felt so stupid for not realizing it from the start. I guess, I might do what he said. He can do that to me, why should I not do it right? So, I guess I'll do it. But I'm not strong enough to do it. I'm weak, I admit it. I need the strenght and confidence to do it. I doubt I can do it, but I'll try because it's for my own good.

I feel too lazy to update about school or what so ever. It's normal. You wake up in the morning, go to school, study, meet the friends, talk, study, study and study. Normal. So, there's nothing interesting to update.

I don't have any topic to blog because "he" is in my mind. I need my friends to make me forget about him at least for about 4-5 hours? Because, normally when I go to school, I rarely talk about him. No la, that's a lie. I do talk about him to Teyra, but after I tell her everything, it's done. I won't think about him until I get home. When I get home, I'll be alone, so i'll think of him. It sucks! It sucks in a good way. Something like that lah right.

When I see a couple, I'll think of him. haih, I guess I just have to bare with it, right? oh, my birthday is coming soon. :) Well, to be honest, I'm not all excited about it. I'm just not. I don't know why. :/

Hey, I think I'm giving up. I have my reasons, but I am just not strong enough to let everything go. Why am I NOT strong? GOD! I have to be strong, I WANT to be strong. But i'm NOT. It has been 8 hours since we last talk or atleast text. And for that, I don't feel like my day has complete. For the past few days, my day was not complete. :( I need it to be complete. And for that to happen, is for you to be here. To be here with me. Haih, I'm babbling now. I think I shall stop. Tears are pouring down and I don't like it. Like I said, when I miss you, I'll cry easily. And I guess I'm missing you now. Right this moment.

Well, I hope you'll have a great life a head with someone who you really love. That sentence is for you IF one day, I have really really given up. That's all for now.

Oh, Aidi has finally uploaded the pictures from the wedding. But I'm too lazy to upload them. :p So, one day when I'm not lazy, I'll post some of them up.

P/s : KHALEESA, I'm still waiting for the pictures from you! You better give them to me or I'll keep bugging you for it. :p

When things goes wrong, can I count on you?

Knowing you is a gift. Doing the first move, I never will regret. Getting to know you more is my gold. Getting you is what I want. - I bet none of you understand what I'm saying. Well, few of you would.

I wonder, if things goes wrong in my life, can i ever count on you? Can I call you in the middle of the night if I had a bad dream? Can I lean on your shoulder when I feel like crying? Can I always depend on you? I wonder. All I want to know is, is it worth it for me to miss you? Is it worth for me to keep wanting you? Is it worth it for me to hope on this? on you? I wonder.

I keep wondering if ALL of this is worth it. And I think, it does. I've always said that I'll wait for the guy I like no matter what, but I never kept that promise. That promise tends to break whenever a guy hurts me. But with you, I know I will keep that promise. Because, there's something about you that keeps me wanting you more. I just don't know what it is. I wish I do, but I don't.

I'm happy whenever we keep in touch, I cry easily when I miss you. I'm happy when you're happy but I'm sad when you forget me. Although, we don't have anything together, but yet, I still do miss you every second of my life. I want you to know, I am always here for you no matter what. But, I wonder, are you always going to be there when I need you no matter what?

I wonder, is it okay that we text and call every single day. I wonder do I ever bother you. I wonder do you always think of me like how I always think of you. (?) When you don't call nor text me for just one day, I feel that my day isn't complete. I don't promise I can be the best person in the world, but I can promise I will try.

Well, I hope that one day, one fine day, I'm gonna get the answers of the questions I keep wondering. *finger crossed*

Night love.

exactly 10 months.

In exactly 10 months is SPM. Yeap, Pn.Rachel told us. The second she told us, I was like "oh god, help me! I've not covered my form 4 topics." 1 week of school has past just like that. Time is seriously flying too fast. I like it, but I'm scared at the same time. I somehow know, I will definitely miss school days once I step in College. Well, that's life. You start with Tadika, off to Primary school, then High school, College, University and then, Work and family. Wow, seriously I am scared of life. haih.

Anyway, school's okay. I'm starting to like Add maths and Modern Maths. Well, i like it basically because the first topic is easy. I'm sure when we learn other topics, I'll get all stressed up about it. Well, lucky for me, I'm starting tuition next week and I'm concentrating in class. I NO LONGER sleep in class (cheh, baru first week of school) Haha.

Tasha's back for 4 days. Hang out with her and the others today. It was fun just before someone made me feel down. Yea. But anyway, I don't have much to say.

Oh, i've said what I wanna say. I've let it ALL out. Well, mostly. But I'm proud of it. Even if nothings gonna happen, at least I know I did the right thing. Right? -.- But anyway, some things are just bugging me. And I can't seem to stop it. I don't want anything to distract me from my studies. I've promised myself that I wanna do well in SPM because it's the last exam in High School and also it is very important. I've made my promise and I'm gonna stick to it. I wanna make my family proud and i wanna make MYSELF proud.

For the past few days, I've been missing "that person" TOO much. I know, one day I'm gonna realize that it's not good for me to miss "that person" too much because it will hurt me. I just know. But, if it doesn't, then it's fine. [If you don't understand about what I'm saying, deal with it. I'm just trying to say what I wanna say.]

Oh, Ikram has left. AGAIN. :( I cried, AGAIN, when we said our goodbyes. Well, what do you expect. He's my first cousin. And I take him as a brother, and he's not gonna be here for my 17th birthday. That's just sad. Lets hope he won't forget my birthday *finger crossed* Oh, another cousin of mine, a close one too. He's living too. Ashraf's leaving to MCKK this Sunday. :( Again, I know I'm gonna cry this saturday because that's the last I'm gonna see him before he goes. I can't send him because I have school on Monday. :( Ashraf is also like a brother to me. Ikram and Ashraf are the brothers I never had. Ikram is like my elder brother. He's caring and kind , even though he likes to bully me :p and Ashraf is like my little brother. He's sweet, a gentleman and also caring. He's really MANJA :) I love you both!

So, enough for today. I promised myself I won't post long. So, yea. DONE. night.

Just so you know, I'm not rich I'm not poor. I'm just normal. My family and I, we're just Us. We ain't rich. So, if you see us as RICH, it's fine. If you see us as POOR, it's fine too. As long as WE, my family and I, know who we are, that's fine.

First day of senior year.

wink wink. I like the title. But heck, it's freaking tiring. School was tiring, boring, and there's no different in it. Well, I thought for a second that it might be fun going to school seeing my friends, classmates, learn new things (?) haha. So yea, but I guess I was wrong. My class is fun, but it ain't fun without Tasha. But lucky for me, I still have Teyra :) I love you baby.

First day of school yet tons of work. Teachers says, SPM is less than a year. (Oh god!) Well, that's right. It's about 10 months and a half. We have to cover our topic(s) by early August I guess. Because our first trials is in August. End of August I think. So yea, that explains why we had tons of work on our FIRST day of school.

There's nothing much to update. OH! Tasha called me. She called using a public phone. I was screaming when she called. I answered and she said "Fara Nabira ada?" I was like, "heh?" hhaha. We chatted for about 5 minutes only. To all of you, Tasha's doing good. She's fitting in. She's the head of her dorm. Wow, no longer class monitor of 5 Fitrah but monitor for her dorm room. Cool eh? haha. She said, the foods are not bad. But can't beat Strawberry fields. haha. In school just now, Teyra and I were thinking back the memories we had during 4 Fitrah with Tasha. :( I miss her.

It's okay. Tasha said, she might be coming to USJ 13 on Friday due to take her files and stuff. CAN'T WAIT! We should hang out. Even if it's for just a sec. I miss you Tasha.

That's all for now peeps. :)

She has left me. Left us!

Yeap, the title says it all. Tasha has left for boarding school and I am super duper sad! :( She's my baby girl. She's always there to comfort me anytime I need it. She understands me well enough to know if I'm okay or not. She's just who she is. And I love her.

Two nights ago, we had a gathering. The girls reunite. Well, Sue was absent. She was away. So, it was not complete. But anyway, Qairul, Tasha, Shasha, Teyra, Tiqot and few other people were there. I mean we were hanging out at Nailis, Taipan. We took lots of pictures. We talk, we laugh, we cried! As you all know, Tasha and Shasha are moving. Tasha is away to bording school in Ipoh and Shasha's moving to Ampang. When I asked them whats their reason of moving, it's just the same answer. "I want to focus on my SPM." Well, atleast that's a good reason. :)

So, it was already 10.35pm. We were saying good bye to Shasha since she was going back. Qairul hugged her and they both cried. And I felt tears was falling down too. So, I went to Shasha hugged her and I cried! She said her goodbyes, she apologize for whatever she did and I cried even more! Then, we, Tasha Teyra Tiqot Dann Ashraf and I went to Mc'd. Waited for tasha's mom to come pick us up.

So, Tasha's mom sent Teyra and I home. We sent Teyra first since she was so scared that her mom will get all angry because it was already 11.35pm. Tasha and Teyra hugged and they cried. I was also crying but I hold back. I didn't want to show Tasha that I was sad. Because I want to be happy for her. But the second Tasha step down of the car to hug me, I cried. I was sobbing like hell. I still remember she hugged me and said "Thanks for everything, B" I was crying I couldn't say a word. All I could say was "take care, tasha" She went off, I went into my room and I cried even more! I couldn't do anything at that time. I coudln't accept that she was moving.

I texted her, and I was okay already. I knew that she's doing this for her own benefit. and that's good. I am so lucky to have a friend like her and TO BE a friend to her. I love you Tasha. I was just texting with her like 5 minutes ago, she's well and trying to fit in her place. She said she could not be as childish like how she is with us. It's okay Tasha. 10/11 months je. After that, we'll party harddd!

Anyway, pictures are still with Tiqot. Will post some of 'em when I get them. Oh, one thing CONGRATS tiqot and Danial. :)

P/s : I am missing Tasha badly! I can't bare with the fact that, 4/5 Fitrah's class monitor is no longer Tasha. I can't bare with the fact that, the noise that cheers me up everyday will no longer be heard in my last year of school. :(

Reality

It's 2.52Am now, 2nd January '09, and I can't sleep. I was feeling down due to the rain. I tend to cry and will have a melt down every time it rains heavily. The reason is because of my late friend passing away due to the lightning of a heavy rain. Anyway, let's not talk about that. It will tear me up. So, 2008 was a great year. Full of great memories. Bitter & Sweet. I definitely will miss and treasure those memories I had with the friends and family. All the drama, the ups and downs, the sadness, the happiness are all locked in my heart.

Let's just say, '08 has taught me many new things. First of all, the ones you hate or dislike are the ones who are always there or I might say who is honest front and back. Secondly, never be too nice or people will just take you for granted. Thirdly, I learned not to say sorry if it's NOT my fault. The list may go on and on if I'm gonna write out everything I've learned. But the one thing I know that, 2008 has taught or made me a better person. Confidence were build even though it was towards the end of the year (I'm still proud of it).

I may have say this already, but 2008 has tons of memory that I love. Although there are TONS of drama during that year, but to me, 2008 was the best. The girlfriends, the guyfriends, the families, all. EVERYTHING! Everything and everyone or better yet, 2008 has made me a better person.

To those who were there for me during my joy and happiness, melt downs, mood swings, emotional, & sadness, I thank you all. Thanks to all who are friends with me for who I am. To those pretenders out there, I have just forgive for whatever you've done to me because, IT'S A NEW YEAR! A fresh start is what I want. So yea, I'm actually just killing time.

Happy 2009 everyone! There's no need for me to post up my new years resolution because to me, it won't be done. I won't do it. Except for the study part. I HAVE to study hard for this year. It's not an option.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Jyeaaah baaabyyy! New years eve was hectic yet fun. All the friends were there. The ones I love :) Fajran was uber caring. lol. So does the others. They were looking out for us girls since there was too many people. We had lots of fun!

Teyra and Tasha slept with me at the hotel. Lagi fun! :) haha. Had fun with them in the room. I have no idea what to blog about. It's a new year. SPM! Shiiiit! School's in 4 days time. Birthday is in 25 days. *wink wink* lol. Anywaaaaay, nothing to blog about. Everyone's blog is full with their New years resolution. Well mine is :-

-Study for SPM.
-Not going out as much as last year ('08) Weird saying last year.
-Try not to think about all those drama.

Well, whatever la. It's a new year. I'm hoping it will be a great year. Full of joy, great memories and all. Though '08 was fun, and full of memory I will treasure forever, but I hope '09 , this year, will be a better year. Insyaallah. :)

Pictures are with Tasha and Tiqot. I'll post some of 'em when I get them. :D