That feeling , I hate .

Yep , i hate to have this feeling . It's not my 1st time . It's my 2nd time . And trust me , this time is WORST . haih . I don't want to hurt your feelings and I don't intend to do it anyway . I don't regret getting together with you but I don't want to hurt you and I do not want to hurt myself again too . I'm only thinking of what's best for both , you and me . And I'm not only thinking about my happiness . I don't mind getting hurt because I'm used to it , but I know and totally know that you're not used to it . I'm sorry if I'm the worst girlfriend ever but trust me , sooner or later you'll thank me for making it over now rather then later . Because I can bet you that you deserve someone better . You deserve to be treated right . Trust me . I've said once that I can't promise you my heart/love but I can promise you I'll try . And guess what , I've tried my best and seriously my very best . But i don't think it will work out .

I don't like to be in a relationship where I know it won't last long . I mean , I know everything is in God's hand . But I know if I have this feeling , it wont last long . I've been through it and I don't say myself a PRO in this kind of situation but I can say I have experience in this moment . I seriously want to be friends with you . Friends like how I am with other guys . I want to be like that with you whom I can tell everything to but I just know that if we're together , I won't be able to be myself . Because I'm not sure of my feelings . Get it ? Who cares if you bloggers do not understand what I mean , as long as I myself understand .

Well , I hope and I wish things wont change between us (although I know that it will) But I just hope that it wont . because I truly care about you . I can't say that I love you but I can say that I care about you . But I just don't know what to do now other than just saying it to you . but i don't want you to hate me as I will feel guilty of what I did . But trust me , my dear this is the best thing to do right now . Like what people always say , If we are meant to be together , then some day we WILL be together . It's just the matter of time . and I just hope you understand that because I totally agree with that . If we are meant for each other , we will someday . Maybe not now or some time soon , but who knows we'll be together some time in the future , right ? I just hope you'll understand .

I can say that , you are a great guy and a girl would be really really lucky to have you as their boyfriend , but I guess it's just not me . Maybe it's karma ? I don't know . but what I know is , I CARE ABOUT YOU and I don't want you to hate me as I don't hate you in any way . In fact , I do like you but maybe its just a crushcrushcrush ? who knows right . Only God knows because I myself do not know what my feelings are right now . :( I'm too tired being like this . AGAIN ! I had my freedom for almost 9 months but I didn't know that I'll miss those days , those freedom so badly . I'm not saying I'm bored here , but I'm saying that I just care about you too much that's why I HAVE to break it off .

Trust me , it's not about other guys nor about what others think . But it's because of what I think . I'm happy , yes . But not as much as how I was having the freedom before we met . Sorry , I know that's kinda harsh but it's the truth . And I don't like to lie nor to be lied to . I've been lying to myself for quite some time , and I'm done with that . I don't want to lie again . I've had enough . I'm sorry . But trust me , all I can say it , don't be sad , I should be the one who's sad , because it's my lost to lose you . You don't lose a single thing because I'm not even a good person , to tell you the truth . I know you are and that why I said it's my lost and not yours .

Gosh ! I seriously cried doing this blog . But anyway , I hope you understand (it's not like you even read this , but who knows . you might read it someday) So yea, I hope you understand my situation . I have lots in my mind and trust me , i have to get things screwed back together first before I can do any serious relationship . I'm sorry .

To all you bloggers , do give comments on what you think I'm doing is right or wrong .