Why am I like this ?

Despite the fact that my life is going great right now, I somehow feel lost, empty, and lonely. I don't have the desire to dance nor to do anything else. I mean I love dancing. It has been my thing since God knows when. Going for rehearsal every weekend used to help me a lot by not thinking about other things that is going on. But now, I feel like I'm dancing but I'm not feeling it. I'm sure the cast of SOB can see that I'm not really dancing for the past few classes. I mean I do feel left out at times and maybe lost.

Cast of SOB, they have known or been together since small and when I see them together it'll get me thinking "Can I fit in well in this group?" or "Can I actually BE one of the Junior Sayang Dancers?" All the thoughts will be running in my mind when I'm at rehearsal. I try not to be shy, but I am shy. I try to dance and feel it by giving the face expression and everything just like what Aunty Farah wants but it's not really working. I'm giving my best but my best is not good enough for SOB.

Besides that, I feel really lost in the real world. I feel lonely, lost and not good enough. I'm not just saying about dancing but about other things as well. I have the most excellent boyfriend, greatest family, superb friends but why am I feeling as if I'm alone in this world? I feel like I'm in my own little world. Why?

I don't know what's going on with my life. I mean I've been really harsh, grumpy, and impatient with the boyfriend but to be frank, he has done NOTHING wrong. Yet, I'm still giving him attitudes. The boyfriend has been really patient with me and I thank him for that. I'm beyond doubt, sorry. But I hope you will just bare with this attitude of mine for a while until I get back on track, ya baby?

I gotta admit, I've been through this before last year and trust me it's terrible. It made me do foolish stuff, being a loner and I don't want to face it again. Seriously, it's hard.

God, please give me the strength and show me the right path to go in this life.

To the Cast of SOB - I'm truly sorry if I'm not giving enough in my dancing, singing, expression and everything. I just eel that I don't really fit in well yet. I need time and support.

To the boyfriend - I'm truthfully, sincerely sorry for being harsh and angry over nothing. I hope you understand what I'm going through. I just need your support and I hope you can bare with my stupid, crazy mood swings a little longer. I promise I will get back on track soon and you'll get your old and cheerful baby! :)

Love, FNR